Saturday, January 22, 2011

Waiting and Wondering

Many of my fellow Spina Bifida moms have been posting about the amazing things their kids are doing. Some of their kiddos have started crawling, some are pulling up, some are even walking.  I am so proud of each of these kids and so incredibly happy for each of these moms.

I must admit though, it leaves me wondering.  Wondering when/if Evan will ever get to that point. Wondering, if I am doing enough to encourage these behaviors. I don't by any means want to push him.  He has enough to deal with.  Where do I draw the line between encouragement and pushing? 

Evan sits by himself which in itself is a huge accomplishment.  He has no interest at all in crawling.  When we lay him on his stomach he immediately rolls onto his back.  How do you explain to a one year old, that they can get from here to there if they lay on their tummy and scoot.  He isn't a very curious baby.  He doesn't put things in this mouth the way other babies do.  He is just content.  Content to just sit and take things in. Content to just observe. I suppose a lot of mothers would be grateful for this attribute.  I am too, for the most part.  I couldn't be any more grateful for his sweet, calm personality. Part of me though wishes he had the drive to get into stuff.  Curious to know what was around the corner.   I know that the time will come.  The time when it is our turn to announce Evan's next big accomplishment.  I just wonder, when...


  1. We are on the slow track too... Jonathan is going to be 2 next month, he JUST started putting non food things in his mouth... paper is a favorite (gag!:) I think it has a lot to do with his eating issues and all that he had to overcome with that. He is still not verbal, but more interactive with his toys and smiling and laughing which is so fun! He still can't do more than prop sit and he JUST figured out that tummy time is more fun when you lift your head. We recently got slick floors and he scoots a little, but it's backwards, hehe:) I KNOW I don't push him enough sometimes but I also know that he's making progress, slow but steady. SB is crazy and even within the diagnosis there is no "normal" to grab on to. Give it time:) Your sweet baby boy IS doing amazing things and there is more to come!!:)

  2. We had the same experience with Brendan (he's now almost 4 years old). As an infant/toddler he was just happy doing whatever. If something was close to his hand then he would grab it, but put it out of reach and he was like, "ok....whatever....I didn't want it anyways!" He too, never put things in his mouth (yea!), babyfood was just ok~ if he didn't like something, he just wouldn't eat (and wouldn't complain that he was hungry), he NEVER had that reflex where when you hold them up they will step, step. Even newborns will do that....not Brendan. He had to be taught steping and crawling by repetition- it just wasn't instinctual. We would hold him up by his arms in front of us and kick each foot forward and say "step"...kick, "Step"...kick. I used to wonder if maybe it was because of the shunt, did it effect his brain developmentally and put him behind? But his PT reminded me that all kids are different in temperment and Brendan was just laid back and content, and watching what is going on. He finally crawled at 16 months when he found a food he loved....PIZZA! It was just out of reach and his leg was tangled up in a blanket and he FINALLY got up on all 4's and moved his leg like we had shown him a bazillion times and got over to the pizza! We yelled and clapped and cheered like crazy and he looked at us like "What? That was a good thing? huh? I'll do it again and see if they yell like that!" And of course we did, and so he kept going. It still took him a bit to discover the benefits of crawling, just like it took a while for him to see the benefits of pulling to stand, or to hold onto his walker, walking with it, holding onto things one-handed, and finally trying to take a step on his own (we are up to 4 or 5 now!)

    Evan will get there in Evan's timing! Don't beat yourself up about not doing enough (we all do it and should be black and blue by now!) Just keep encouraging him, show him new things by repetition and HAVE FUN with him! This time next year you will look back and be amazed at how much he has accomplished in such a short time!

    Stephanie :)

  3. You guys have so much on your plate!
    But I completely agree with you!
    Nick is a very laid back baby, he was sure that however he gets around is the right way and won't even try.Sure, whatever, I'm happy is how I looked at it.
    Some days are harder to remember that each baby works on their own timeline. Our infant development worker (who has 2 special needs kids herself) reminds me that kids only can do so much at one time. When they are focusing on one area, others are put on the back burner - for now.
    But the waiting game is really hard.

  4. Nate was also that baby who would just sit there contentedly, not caring if he couldn't reach that toy just beyond his grasp. And yes, he did do everything extra slowly. He crawled at 17 months, pulled up and cruised at 24 months, walked in a walker at 27 months, and started walking independdently right at 3 years. So even though he did them slowly, he still did them! I sometimes SB is more of a lesson in patience for the parent than it is a physical disability for the child. :) It really is a spiritual journey, and you're in what I think is the hardest part--the waiting.

  5. I completely understand your feelings and worries. Being patient is really hard. Hang in their my friend. You both are in our prayers.